Happy Birthday Dad!

Happy Birthday to our nation and my dad.  Today was a fun, but difficult day.  I miss my dad terribly.  It has been two months, yesterday.  There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of him.  However,  holidays/birthdays are worse than the other days.  I watched the movie that my Uncle J had made for the funeral just to see him today.  I went downstairs at my parents house and smelled my dad's shirts.  It is amazing how much the sense of smell can recall memories.  I wanted to watch my wedding video to hear his voice, but our VCR is packed up.  I miss his hugs.  I can just imagine putting my arms around him for a nice hug.  I miss you Dad.  Sometimes I wish Eternity was now so we can be with the ones we love all the time and not have to wait.  I am impatient to see him, hug him, smell him and talk to him again.

My Immortal - Evanescence (one of my Dad's favorite bands)

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

[Chorus:]
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it holds
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have 
All of me 

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears 
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears 
And I held you hand through all of these years 
But you still have 
All of me

As I watched the video of all the pictures of my dad, I think of all the good memories and times that we had.  I see the things that he loved and wish that the time here could have been longer.  Is there ever enough time?  No.  I think that is why our loving Heavenly Father gave us Eternity.

Today we continued to work on getting the house ready to sell.  I wished we would have taken before and after pictures to show the transformation, but it does look really good.  I hope it sells quickly.

When C&R arrived, they played with the boys and the dogs in the back yard in the new swimming/wadding pool.  They had a blast.  The best part, that I saw and wish I could have retrieved my video camera in time, was when Buddy was chasing Aunt C around with the hose trying to get her wet and when the hose wouldn't reach far enough (Buddy not realizing this) he would get yanked back by the hose and fall on his bum.

Afterwards, we went and visited Dad and dropped off balloons for his birthday and his present from C, a new Defender 110 toy.  We also sang Happy Birthday, and both boys gave Grandpa birthday kisses.

We celebrated my dad's birthday the way we always do.  We had a BBQ (hot dogs, but no Heid's, forgot to order them in time,) at my parents house and then watched the Thanksgiving Point fireworks afterwards.

Happy Birthday, Dad!  I hope you and Grandma enjoyed the fireworks from your new seat.  I love you!  ;)

Goodbyes are not forever,
Goodbyes are not the end.
They simply mean I'll miss you,
Until we meet again.

I love you dad!

This picture was taken the Sunday before my dad died.  We got together at R & C's house for our monthly family dinner.  Dad was showing Smiler the Despicable Me 2 trailer, which he and Buddy just love.

My dad's Obituary appeared in the Deseret News and Salt Lake Tribune today.  Can't seem to pull it up on desnews.com.  So maybe go to the Trib to view it.  A copy of the Obit is below.
http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/saltlaketribune/obituary.aspx?n=kerry-m-oldham&pid=157480977

Obituary

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Kerry M. Oldham 

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1954 ~ 2012
Kerry M. Oldham, 57, passed away in a tragic accident on May 3, 2012. He was born July 4, 1954 at Camp Gordon, GA to Mark Elliot Oldham and Garna Taylor. Kerry was an active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He served a mission to the England Leeds mission from 1975-77. He attended schools in Liverpool, NY, Brigham Young University, and Utah Technical College where he received an associate degree in building construction. Tamara Keller and Kerry were married in the Salt Lake LDS Temple on December 17, 1977. They were blessed with three daughters. He was our Mr. Amazing! He could fix and do anything. So much was learned from Kerry and his example. He loved to tinker with all types of vehicles, electronics, and computers. Kerry especially loved Land Rovers. His life's work was residential and commercial construction, but he always made time for his passions: family, friends, serving and teaching others, music, reading, movies, camping, rock crawling/off-roading, anything Mac related, and his favorite vacation spot, Moab.
He is survived by his wife Tamara; daughters Jennifer, Melissa (Steve), and Carly Dawn (Rob); two grandsons; his father Mark; and his siblings Rona (David), Jeffrey (Collette), Shawn (Dorothy), Eric (Keri D), and Daniel (Amparo); and many nieces and nephews. Kerry was preceded in death by his mother, Garna.
Viewings will be held Tuesday, May 8, from 6:00 pm to 8:00 pm and Wednesday, May 9, from 9:30 am to 10:45 am at the Pointe Meadows 2nd Ward LDS Church Building 2150 North Pointe Meadow Drive, Lehi, UT. Funeral services will follow at 11:00 a.m. Interment will be at Valley View Memorial Park, 4335 West 4100 South, West Valley City, UT. There will be a special Rover convoy escorting Kerry to the cemetery. Please bring your Rovers. The family requests in lieu of flowers that donations be made to the Kerry Oldham Memorial Fund at any America First Credit Union.

Heartbroken

Horrible dreams.  Horrible visions.  Horrible thoughts.  Can't sleep.  Need to write or have some form of expression about what happened today.  Possibly the worst day of my entire life.

Today I lost my hero, my dad, in a motorcycle accident at the point of the mountain.  So many thoughts racing through my head.  The what could have beens, the memories of what had been, the horrific scenes of the day, crying so much your whole face and head hurt.  Considering ice packs for the eyes and face.  The outpouring of love to my family and Mom.  Thoughts of hard decisions that lie ahead in the next few days and months to come.  Sounds and smells of Dad.  Everywhere I turn, evidence of him.   Wishing you were somehow here again.  Wishing you were somehow near.


You were once my one companion
You were all that mattered
You were once a friend and father
Then my world was shattered
Wishing you were somehow here again
Wishing you were somehow near
Sometimes it seemed if I just dreamed
Somehow you would be here

Wishing I could hear your voice again
Knowing that I never would
Dreaming of you won't help me to do
All that you dreamed I could
Passing bells and sculpted angels
Cold and monumental seem, for you the wrong companions
You were warm and gentle

Too many years fighting back tears
Why can't the past just die?
Wishing you were somehow here again
Knowing we must say, "Goodbye"
Try to forgive, teach me to live
Give me the strength to try
No more memories, no more silent tears
No more gazing across the wasted years
Help me say, "Goodbye"
Help me say, "Goodbye"

Heartbroken.

My day started like any other.  Wake up as husband got ready and went to work.  Go back to bed until children wake up.  Buddy woke up a little after eight.  He brought marshmallows to my bed to have for breakfast.  Snacked on a few.  Decided to get up and do a real breakfast.  Going to the bathroom, cell phone rings, "Mommy, mommy your phone." "I know Buddy.  I will get it in a minute."  Mom called, kind of early, but not unusual.  Call Mom back.  Scary news.  Dad's been in a motorcycle accident.  Has been taken to IMC.  Will you meet me there?  I have taken care of Grandma.  I don't have a cell phone.  Traffic on I-15 is bad.  Will you meet me at the ER?  Call your sisters.  

Hang up phone.  Press and hold 2.  Yell at husband to come home immediately.  Get Buddy dressed and breakfast.  Try to reach sisters.  No answer.  Text 911.  No response.  Shower.  Try to reach sisters again. No answer.  Call R.  No answer.  J calls back finally.  Relay news.  She is triple booked for the day.  Heading to Moab tomorrow.  Trying to decide if it is worth it to drive to the hospital and cancel appointments.  We talk and decided for her to keep her day as normal.  Hoping that when I arrived and could give more information, she could then decide if it was worth coming down to the hospital.  (In the back of my mind I was hoping it would be like my dad's roll-over accident ten years earlier, although serious, not life threatening.) 

Husband calls to ask what to do with the boys.  His mom is willing to take the kids.  Will meet us at the hospital.  He is almost home.  C calls.  Relay information to her.  She was already at work.  Dropping everything and is rushing to the hospital.  Accident is being reported on the news.  Fatality reported.  

Husband arrives.  Wake Smiler from dead of sleep.  Finish getting ready.  Leave House.  Race to the hospital.  Blow through metering lights on 72nd South on-ramp.  Drive 95 MPH.  Mother-in-law calls.  Is at the hospital with my mom.  They have taken them to a room (my heart sank.  What would be the purpose of a private room vs. waiting in triage?  News so bad that they don't tell it to you in front of everyone.)  C calls again.  Confirmation of correct hospital.  We arrive.  Head inside.  Escorted to private waiting room.  The room is extremely hot.  Give kids snacks.  Wait for C to arrive.  Call Uncle E to tell him what is going on and to get Grandpa O's cell number.  Grandpa not picking up at home.  Hear horrible response from Uncle E to the news.  Retrieve's number.  Call Grandpa O.  Waiting for doctor to come in.

Woman doctor enters very hot room.  Talked about when my dad had arrived at the hospital with the paramedics.  She was the emergency room doctor assigned to my dad.  What life-saving procedures were performed.  Then the horrible news that starts with, "I am sorry."  That is all I heard.  I completely broke down.  Everyone in the room was crying.  Buddy and Smiler looking at me in concern.  "What's wrong mommy?"  Buddy gives me a hug.  

Call J.  Horrible crying on both ends of the phone.  She is on her way.  Will take Redwood as I-15 is bad from the accident my dad was in.  Second phone call, Uncle E.  Again another horrible noise of sorrow coming from the other end of the line.  Can't erase the sound from my thoughts/memory.  Call Grandpa.  

Woman doctor and social services worker escort us back to see Dad.  Buddy and Smiler remain with Grandma H.  Approaching trauma room 4.  Horrible sight!  I can't seem to enter the room.  Dad lying on the gurney, intubated, not moving.  Fresh wave of despair.  

Find Dad's hand.  (Even to this day, I always held my dad's hand.  It always reminded me of when I was little.  I always loved holding my dad's hand.)  Bruises from where his watch had been.  Can't remove wedding band.  Fingers too swollen.  Box of tissues.  Lots of kisses and hugs.  Dad still warm, soft, like he was sleeping (without the snoring.)  He looks really good.  Hardly any bruises.  He had been wearing all his protective gear.  The ER doctor said he most likely died from chest contusions.  His head was perfect.

More phone calls going out and coming in.  Still waiting for J to arrive.  Fox 13 news at 11:00 am releases my dad's information/name to the public.  More phone calls coming in from relatives and friends.  More crying.  UHP come in; give us preliminary report of the accident.  Need to take blood draw as standard procedure to make sure Dad wasn't under the influence of anything that would have impaired his driving.  J arrives.  More tears and fresh wave of sorrow.  

Spend a little more time with Dad.  Say some temporary goodbyes.  Go to Mom and Dad's house.  Dad is taken to the morgue, awaiting donor extraction procedures.  

Assigned inspector for the UHP to my dad's accident arrives at the house bringing the initial police reports from the others involved in the accident.  He was very sweet and empathetic.  Gave us his initial findings as to what happened.  Was very kind.  Went and retrieved my dad's pants from off the freeway.  He told us the following (a little is ad-libbed in from what we already knew, what doctors had reported to us and other police officers, and comment posts on KSL.)

My dad left for work a little before 7:30 AM this morning.  He was going to 90th South.  He got on I-15 heading north from the Highland/Alpine on-ramp.  The first two lanes were going freeway speeds.   My dad accelerated on the on-ramp to merge in going freeway speeds.  He was working his way over to the HOV lane.  The right two lanes were going slower.  The officer guessed that my dad turned his head to check his blind spot before moving into the HOV lane and when he had turned it back, the fast lane was coming to a screeching halt.  My dad didn't have enough time to react or stop and rear-ended and SUV (GMC Yukon).  This sent my dad sailing off the bike.  He hit the freeway (I think this was the impact the doctor was telling us about that caused his chest contusions.)  Cars braked and swerved to avoid running over my dad.  One 70 year old lady that was in direct path set to hit him, pulled some impressive NASCAR maneuvers (to quote the UHP) to avoid hitting him and went off the side of the freeway, down a steep embankment and crashed.  She ended up having some neck injuries.  She also happened to be a lady from my parents Stake.  

People pulled over to offer assistance to my dad until paramedics could arrive.

Tobias D Pimentel

posted 18 hours ago

I was one of the first one's to see the motorcycle accident this morning on the point of the mountain. I was able to quickly stop my car and provide assistance. With me there was a Women and a Man trying to keep the injured man breathing and alive. What a humbling experience, the Man and the Women that were with me, I don't know their manes but they did a wonderful job trying to help. I stayed at the scene until the paramedics arrived, at that point the injured man had already stopped breathing. My thoughts and prayers are with the family that are experiencing this loss. I fell terrible for not being able to do anything more to save this man's life.

The injured man was wearing all his safety gears, Helmet- Jacket and Gloves.

like

RJ P.
posted 17 hours ago

Bless you for doing what you could to help, and those others who offered the same.

like

jeffoldham60
posted 17 hours ago

Thank you for sharing. The person you were trying to save is my brother. I feel grateful that someone like you, and those with you, were able to be there for him and with him in the end. It is a sobering moment when you get a call letting you know that the big brother you looked up to for so many years is now gone. I feel a terrible sense of lose. I am all the more sadened because I am so far away, i live on the east coast, and I can not be there for my sister-in-law nor my three nieces.

Thank you once again for your kindness and caring at such a time.

jeffoldham60
posted 9 hours ago

imabanta, thank you for your kind words, thoughts, and prayers. It is tough to lose a brother, but it is a bit harder because we lost our Mom just last year at this same time. No one wants to lose anyone, but especially no one wants to lose a loved one in this manner. I am grateful for all those who, even unknown to us, have given us strength and courage during this difficult experience.
Thank you all again for your thoughts and prayers.

As was stated in the first comment (the third and fourth posts are from my Uncle J), my dad had stopped breathing before paramedics arrived.  I think my Dad died right then.  I hope it was quick and not too painful.  I have horrible images and thoughts racing through my mind about how scared my dad might have been, (my dad was hardly scarred of anything), what he was thinking as he hit the SUV and went flying into the air.  If it hurt real bad when he hit the freeway.  I pray that my Heavenly Father took him quickly home and that he did not suffer long. My heart aches to hope that my dad did not suffer.  

The paramedics tried to revive my dad and rushed him to IMC were they tried to do all they could to save/revive him.  I appreciate all those hard working people who go through so much training and time to care for loved ones in their darkest hours.  Thank you for doing all you could to try and help my dad.   

I just have one last thought to add to a post that has become incredibly long, and is still missing so many details.  Sometimes music expresses exactly what you are thinking and feeling.

Last night I had a crazy dream
A wish was granted just for me
It could be for anything
I didn't ask for money
Or a mansion in Malibu
I simply wished, for one more day with you

One more day
One more time
One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

First thing I'd do, is pray for time to crawl
Then I'd unplug the telephone
And keep the TV off
I'd hold you every second
Say a million I love you's
That's what I'd do, with one more day with you

One more day
One more time
One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

Leave me wishing still, for one more day
Leave me wishing still, for one more day 

I love you all, family and friends.  Thank you for all your love, support and prayers at this time.  Please just try to remember my mom as time goes on and things settle down.  She will be dealing with this long after the funeral is over and all I ask is that you don't forget her.  

Here is copy of the link and the story reported at KSL.  This is more for me than anyone else, so I will always have a copy of it.

http://www.ksl.com/?nid=960&sid=20248709&title=accidents-kill-2-in-utah-county-during-morning-commute&s_cid=queue-7

Accidents kill 2 in Utah County during morning commute

PAYSON — Two Utah County residents were killed in separate accidents on I-15 Thursday near Payson and Lehi.

One driver was killed in a crash just before 7:30 a.m. on I-15 near Payson. Tamra Loveless, 34, overcorrected after drifting onto the shoulder and struck the median, rolling several times into southbound lanes, the Utah Highway Patrol reported.

The Payson woman was ejected from her vehicle and run over by a semitrailer. She was not wearing a seat belt.

Just before 8 a.m., Kerry Oldham, 57, of Lehi, was killed in a separate accident near Point of the Mountain, according to the UHP. Oldham was traveling on a motorcyle and was merging into traffic from an onramp when he struck the rear of a GMC Yukon.

Harriet Wooley, 69, swerved to avoid hitting Oldham, leaving the road on the right side and traveling down an embankment. Wooley received a neck injury and was transported to an area hospital. 

Fox 13 News

http://fox13now.com/2012/05/03/fatal-crash-shuts-down-southbound-i-15-near-payson/

Fatal crashes on I-15 slow morning commute

UTAH COUNTY – Two people are dead in separate crashes on Interstate 15 Thursday morning.

Officials with the Utah Highway Patrol say 34-year-old Tamra Loveless was driving northbound on I-15 near Payson at around 7 a.m. when she rolled onto the median and crossed into southbound traffic.

Loveless, who was not wearing a seat belt, was ejected from her vehicle then hit by a what witnesses say is a semi pulling a gravel trailer. That semi continued driving and now investigators are trying to track it down.

“It’s possible that that driver did witness the crash but maybe didn’t see the body in the road. We just don’t know until we talk to that driver,” said Cpl. Todd Johnson, Utah Highway Patrol.

Investigators aren’t sure what caused Loveless to lose control of the car, but are looking at her cell phone records to see if she was on the phone at the time of the crash.Southbound lanes were closed for several hours, but reopened at about 10:15 a.m.

A second crash took place on I-15 northbound at the Point of the Mountain near Lehi just before 8 a.m.

Troopers said a motorcyclist was trying to move into the HOV lane, but traffic was congested and he slammed into the back of an SUV.

The motorcyclist, 57-year-old Kerry Oldham, was ejected and flew into the path of another car. He died at the scene, according to the Salt Lake County Sheriff’s Office.

Walking and Getting Bigger

So Smiler decided he was going to start walking the week I went back to work.  :(  I was hoping he would do it before, but no. He just needed a few more days. By the end of the week, he was a pro. Grandma O is babysitting them again while I get through tax season, and she was thrilled! Everyday I would come home from work, "Guess what he did today!"

With his new found freedom and height, I was cooking one day and had gotton in the fridge to get something out of it, when he spotted his sippy and decided to go for it. 

He would grab the sippy, take a drink, put it back, get down and then go through all the motions again. He loves being in the fridge.  Every time I get in it, he is right there to lend a hand. He sorts the condiments in the door, samples the fruits and veggies from the produce drawers (quality control,) and throws things that are round to make sure they are sound, and roll. 

He also loves to close the fridge. Luckily we haven't gotten any fingers smashed in the process.  Knock on wood. 

Sorry about the last picture. It is not the best, with his herpes (cold sore virus) outbreak all over his check, but he is so cute standing there in the fridge saying ieee (cheese!) for the camera.

One Month Before the Birth of Buddy

Over Memorial Day weekend in 2008, I was nearing the end of my pregnancy. I got really sick over the weekend (throwing-up and diarrhea.) (Sorry about being graphic.) I had my weekly prenatal check-up the following Tuesday, and I was measuring alarmingly small. As I recall, I think I had lost a couple of inches since my last visit the week previous. My doctor recommended that I go to IMC and have a stress test done and a test done were they measure the four quadrants of your uterus and check the amniotic fluid level, AFI amniotic fluid index test.

I went to IMC that Thursday, and they did the stress test (this is a test that sees how the baby’s heart rate is affected by stress, i.e. contractions, usually.) first, and Buddy was doing well. The second test was the AFI. I was measuring very low. They said I had Oligohydramnios, having too little amniotic fluid. They had a Perinatologist come in, look at the results, confer with my doctor, and speak to me about being admitted that day and delivering Buddy right then. I didn’t want to. I was not ready yet. I asked if we could delay until I was closer to my due date. I was nervous about Buddy not being fully developed and not having enough weight to thrive outside of the womb. I didn’t want him stuck in NICU if I could keep him inside longer for him to finish cooking. They said I could, but I would have to come in twice a week to do the Stress and AFI tests to make sure Buddy was still doing okay, and I had to be on bed rest for the weekend. I was also supposed to do fetal kick counts ten times a day. (Not to worry, Buddy danced in my womb all day long. I always knew he was alright. If he didn’t move for a while and I got paranoid about it, I would just poke him to wake him up and there he would be jabbing and kicking me again to his heart’s content.)

I went home and for two more weeks, I anxiously did what was asked of me hoping everything was going to be okay. I had two big fears in the back of my mind. My aunt had recently lost her last child two days before her due date. She had just stopped moving one day. My aunt delivered a still born. I was also worried because I had put a lot of time and effort into Buddy and I loved him already. I was not ready to say goodbye before ever meeting him face to face. I was hoping I had made the right decision to wait and that Buddy would be okay until it was closer to his due date. I didn’t want to lose him days before delivery like my aunt did with her baby.

Two weeks before my due date, my doctor recommended that she strip my membranes. Stripping the membranes is when the doctor inserts their fingers between the amniotic sac and your uterine wall and breaks the adhesion between them. She said that this is a “natural” way to get labor started. She said that usually within two days of stripping the membranes you give birth. I think there was some sort of miscommunication, because she thought I had agreed to this, and I thought I had said no and would just keep doing what I had been doing until Buddy and my body were ready to be born/give birth. She stripped the membranes. It totally shocked me. I thought she was just checking to see how far along I was, 1cm and 0% effaced (not ready to give birth,) when she did it. It hurt so badly, and I let out a loud scream and tried to scramble to get away. She was shocked too. She thought I had said yes. She didn’t expect me to scream and move away. It was embarrassing because I wasn’t prepared and I really screamed loud. I bet most of the doctor’s office heard and were wondering what was going on.

What was done was done. Stripping the membranes causes major cramps and bleeding. I called in sick to work for two days. Nothing happened. I went back to work and back to my twice a week tests at IMC.

At my next doctor’s visit, a week later, she asked to strip the membranes again, I was a little reluctant, but I was only a week away from my due date and seeing as how the first time bared no results, I consented. Yes, it still hurt badly, but I was better prepared this time and didn’t scream at the top of my lungs, scaring the whole doctor’s office, the doctor, and embarrassing myself.

Again, cramping and bleeding and calling in sick to work. But later that day…..

Genealogy, Journaling and Scrapbooking all in one!

If any of you know me, you know that I am very bad at all these things.  I think that is why I am so excited about really starting to blog because you can do all three at one time.  The thing I am the most excited about is being able to post pictures and write about what is going on in the pictures and the circumstances surrounding it. 

I have made it a goal to weekly go through all my old pictures and try and post and document what was going on.  The good thing is that most of my pictures have been saved in chronological order on my computer.  The bad part about this is catching up, and we didn't get a camera until right before Buddy was born.  So my journal/genealogy will have an eight year hole.  Maybe, I will go back and fill in some of the blanks, but for right now, I will start with these past three and a half years.  Wish me luck!

Fall Activities

I love Halloween. It is one of my favorite holidays. I love the decorations, the costumes, the candy, and all the fun activities that lie around the day. I love carving pumpkins, walking through corn mazes, making cookies and Carmel apples, going to parties with our ward, family and friends. Granted, we didn't do all of these by Halloween, but they are fun Fall activities.

This year as a family we bought season passes to Lagoon. By the end of the year, Buddy knew what Lagoon was, and that it meant rides and fun with Mom and Dad. This was the first time that we experienced Lagoon's Frightmares. It was great! The shows were amazing, as well as the costumes and haunted houses (that we actually went through.) There was a fun spook-a-boo walk for the kids to go trick or treating and a hay maze.

Buddy went on so many rides this year. He is only a few inches away from being able to go on all of them. He has no fear.

I love this picture! For some reason, when children cry, it makes the cutest picture. Smiler did not want to sit here.

Trying somthing new

Today is a day of firsts. I have had this blog for three years. Right after buddy was born, and I have done nothing with it. As I sit and read all my friends and families posts, I get a little jealous of the wonderful things that they are doing and documenting. I have decided to change. I now have the time and energy to start posting and documenting what my family is doing. Posting all the cute pictures and then having something to look back on and remember.